bleachTRIFIED. XD

Okayyyy, may TDDR english sub na [yehey!] so I'm in the middle of downloading that. Kaso hindi ko siya maiwanan because of a funny reason--pinapaypayan ko yung DSL ko! wahahaha! Mainit kasi yung place ng PC ko d2.. walang hangin. Eh baka maputol yung DL ko. sayang time. hehe. Kaya binabantayan ko sya. So while I'm making bantay-bantay to my DLs, naisip ko na din mag-blog. haha.

Well kahit na nagsasaya ako mag-DL ng TDDR, badtrip padin ako--for TWO reasons. The first one is uber tampo ako sa mga old friends ko. Hindi ko alam kung baluktot ang reason ko or what, basta this is what I really feel.

The othey day kasi, I've seen some comments from my former students na wala daw silang Scouting nung Friday. SO nagtaka ako. Then I asked some friends kung bakit. May fieldtrip daw sila. 'Ah Ok.' yun ang sabi ko. Then at that time I was quite jealous[or envious??],whatever it was. Bakit they NEVER told me about it? Even for a single word? Or maybe a ring at my phone? I wasn't aware na may ganun pala sila. I felt crying at that time. BUT I DID'NT. Even a single tear NEVER flowed on my cheek. Kasi ayaw na ayaw akong nakikita ni mama na umiiyak just because for a stupid reason. So I took a deep breath and relaxed myself para di ako umiyak. Then afterwards kinuwento ko yun kay mama. All she said was, "Bakit kailangan mo pa kasing magtanong sa kanila eh hindi ka naman din nagaaral dun?" My reason was, Sana naman nagkuwento sila kasi naging kaibigan naman nila ako diba? And the last thing she said about that topic was, "Kung tunay ka nilang kaibigan, sila ang magkukusang magsasabi nun sayo. Eh hindi eh. Kinalimutan ka na nila, kaya kalimutan mo na rin sila."


Kaya at that point, na-realize ko na it's time to be independent. Wag na wag ka nang aasa sa kanila for anything. Your world is too different from them. Too far. Kaya ngayon I'm already having second thoughts kung pupunta pa ba ako sa Investiture nila. Baka nga hindi ko mamalayan tapos na pala yung investiture and I DAMN MISSED IT. And kung makakapunta man ako sa Inve., I want to show them all na nagbago na ako. I want to prove them na may kaya akong ipakita na THEY WOULD NEVER EXPECT THAT I CAN DO IT. And I'm planning to have that as my LAST visit to them. It's quite annoying na rin na dalaw ako nang dalaw dun for nothing. Baka nga sa iba na ako nagaaral eh dalaw parin ako nang dalaw dun. Oh well, time will tell if I still deserve to go back and study there. [Sorry friends kung nasasaktan kayo, I'm just telling the truth--kaya nga 'It's REALITY' ang title ng blog ko eh. It's about the reality I'm facing right now that it really hurts me to accept. BUT I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS!]


The SECOND reason why I'm in a badtrip mode, kasi I'm having headache for almost 5 days or so. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit eh, pero kapag tinutulog ko to, pag gising ko wala nang sakit. Then kinabukasan meron ulit tapos itutulog ko mawawala. Baka gutom lang to? Hindi eh. I'm controlling myself from eating alot. Di ba nga diet mode ako? [haha] But the sad thing is, I don't see any improvements from myself. grrr! Nage-exercise naman ako every morning eh then I don't eat or drink anything after 8pm....huhu! Kailangan yata gawin ko ang ginawa ng mom ko, which was she DIDN'T EAT anything for 3 months! And after that, uber payat na niya. GRABE. Kaso the side effect was she can't think properly. AS IN di na niya alam kung anong ginagawa niya. Kaya iniiwasan yun ni mama na gawin ko yun sa sarili ko. Oh well.


Sige I'll be waiting for my DL to be completed. ü